You know, I want happiness, I just don’t know how to do it. You can’t. Yea I know. It’s hard for me to smile and raise my eyebrows. It takes effort. You don’t have the strength. I do, I just have to think about it. Perhaps if I do therapy to train my eyes to squint in glee — that’ll train my muscles and require less effort of me. Go ahead and try. Yes that’s what I’ll do: muscle therapy! I’m sure if I practice enough — you know I’m a very disciplined person — then I’ll build the strength so I don’t have to work so hard to do happiness. I have disciplined friends too, they’ll help. We’ll devise a plan: every day they’ll text me and remind me to do my therapy, then every night I’ll call them to thank them for the reminder. After that I’ll check in with you to report on my progress. I imagine I won’t need you anymore after a few weeks. How long do muscles need to develop memory? Well imagine in a few weeks anyway I’ll be on my way — happy as ever. You seem prepared. I’m very prepared because I want to do happiness very much. Ever since I was a boy I found it quite hard to work it in my day. Other people must have learned it in preschool. I didn’t go to preschool. So, you know — I missed that instruction. Now I have margin, though, to work it in and you can train me on the rules of it all. I’ll learn fast. I’m happy to stay up all night and work all day if thats what it takes to catch enough happiness for the day. What happened to you when you stood in front of Raphael’s The Miraculous Draught of Fishes? Oh yes, ok, well first I entered the room and immediately fixed on it. Renaissance tapestries require attention, you see. I fixed on the cranes, fish, and plants, then the disciples, then Jesus. I looked at each color and imagined what the tapestry would have looked like in the Sistine Chapel. Jesus, to me, looks something between frustrated and caring — between a master and a teacher — fixing his full attention on the disciples even though they struggled with the full load of fish. I didn't understand his expression — shouldn't he be rejoicing at the catch? After a few minutes, I glanced around the display room, but noticed no one else seemed focused on the tapestry. No, I asked what happened to you. I don't know what you mean. Yes, I mean, well, I cried as I looked at it. Why did you cry? I cried because I couldn't catch any fish, though I did my best with the net. Put out into the deep and let down your net. At your word, Lord.
Those last 5 lines…